Comical Creations

[1] [ I did NOT create this comedy] Who pushed the outhouse over the cliff?:a hillbilly that has 2 sons, smashed through his doorway in fury yesterday and asked his sons: "who pushed the outhouse over the cliff?" neighther of the 2 sons said anything. the father said: "let me tell you a story about the father of our country, George Washington. When George Washington was a boy, he chopped down the cherry tree in his back yard. When his mother asked him who chopped down the cherry tree, George Washington said I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down the cherry tree. The mother; then, gave him cookies and milk for telling the truth". Immediately, one of the sons said "I pushed the outhouse over the cliff.". The father beat him up severely. after he was finished the son asked "why is it that when George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, he got cookies and milk when he admitted to it; but, when I admit to pushing the outhouse over the cliff, I get beaten nearly to death?". The father said"because when George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, his father wasn't in it". [2] THE NEW ANTI-MARIJUANA BUZZ-N-LIKE-A-BUMBLEBEE PROJECT: There have been many programs to eliminate marijuana from the streets of society. none of them were very effectual. I have created a new program called 'BUZZ-N-LIKE-A-BUMBLEBEE PROJECT THAT IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE PROGRAM TO ELIMINATE MARIJUANA OUT OF SOCIETY. As a representative to this project, I recommend a few basic methods of totally eliminating marijuana from the public quickly.the methods are as follows: [1]roll bigger joints [2]smoke faster [3]have a many friends at parties as possible to assist in eliminating the marijuana [4]when possible, use a double bubble bong or 6' tall hookah pipe [5]use a fish aquarium air pump to help burn it up quicker. when home alone, the pump is great to get your dog, cat, or hamster hammered. [6]eliminate the use of slow burning papers [7]help your local neighbor to be buzzin' like a bumblebee [8]do you have a neighbor that has a dog that barks all of the time? maybe what the dog needs is a little vitamin T [tetrahydracannabinol] in his dog food bowl [9]bake weed cakes and brownies for your local YMCA [10]throw weed brownie fund raisers for those complaining of drugs in your neighborhood. let them help do their part to get marijuana off the streets [11]never buy just ounces¦buy 500 pound bales instead Remember, it is everyone's responsibility to take drugs out of society.do your part to smoke more, smoke faster, and eliminate weed from reaching school children.by doing your part to spark up more Js, you will feel better[in fact much better]about yourself for your contributions. Here is what a few contributors to the project have to say I'm in the ozone layer, dude; from your suggestions just buzzn' I went to places even Dr. Spock couldn't get me out of buzz eldrin I think I'm gonna join NASA and be a space cadet wayupthere my wall paint is starting to look much better donediditandgone that was a hip suggestion, dude. i got a major fly high without a pilots liscense flynhigh I observed a correlative coefficiency of floccinnaucinnihilipilificationic functionality within my intracerebrisical and intrvernacularic infrastructuration technobuzzr i'm gonna start a new tv show called the bong show bongedwiththewind it's making my vitamin P[pcp]taste funny, dude dustNthawind I'm a health nut.i prefer sunny d 25[orange sunshine lsd 25]D'd2D'd I be huffin' on the Mr. T like a pufferfish fishface I got off the ball[8 ball]and got on the stick[thai stick]allthaidup I've been watching my toilet for hours for alligators seeugator Those who contribute most to the project will receive a free Fraxinella bush. the Fraxinella bush[also known as the biblical burning bush]releases gases into the air; then spontaneously ignites in a large flame[great for lighting those J’s]without harming itself.it is reusable, and is a perpetual ignition source for your smoking needs.it is also great for marshmallow cookouts when chronically buzzed. Join now, and support the elimination of marijuana from the streets. I, Robert Hocker, am keeping an anonymous profile in this project in this organization; so, do not write to me for information. [3] I HATE psychic hotlines.I called a psychic hotline to get advice about my future. the female on the other end said "hello?';so, I did what was supposed to be done...nothing. she hanged up on me. I called back again. again she said "hello?'. I replied "well?". she asked "well, what?". I asked if this was a psychic hotline. she said "yes". so, I waited. after a few minutes of silence, she finally asked "what is it you want?". now, I may not be the brightest person on the earth; but, I had to ask "didn't you expect my call?". she replied "no". isn't that irritating? I asked "well, if this is a psychic hotline; and you are a psychic , you should have expected my call, and began giving me advice." she hung up. what is the world coming to? [4]ALL mail carriers are free from prosecutions for being rude, kicking dogs, spraying dogs with mace and other crimes. The United States Post Office claimed in court " our mail carriers are liscensed to go postal". [5] My Perfect Memory:recently a doctor asked me if I had problems remembering things. Of course, I said "No. Not at all. In fact, there is absolutely nothing I ever remember forgetting about." Yeah, buddy; that ought to teach 'em. Age does not always involve forgetfulness. [6] NASA is Looking for a Few Good People: NASA is now hiring people for their space cadet program...after a few years, a person may become a space admiral. Anyone who desires to become a space cadet may contact NASA at 1BigSpaceCadet.com. [7] " Smoker's Warning ":I used to smoke. It is a known and proven fact that parents who smoke have children who will smoke also. I started off small; then, got more and more obsessed with smoking. I would; at the first, occasionally cold smoke a neighbor's dog that barked too much; then, progressed to smoking neighbors who were crack heads. Smoking is addicting; and though maybe fun, may lead to serious social problems. Quitting "cold turkey" doesn't work. I tried it. I took My guage, went to my neighbors turkey farm in their back yard.I lit up their butt, and smoked 35 turkeys before giving up. Yeah, buddy, the neighbors went into a major conniption fit. So, do yourself a favour and Stop smoking....[LOL. just kidding]... [8] "Human History": 5 million B.C.: Austraphiticus [Kenya] 2.5 million B.C.: Homo Habilis [Kenya]/ Homo Erectus [Tanyika] 1.75 B.C.: Zinjanthrapus [Tanjanyika] 1.5 million B.C.: Homo Erectus [Kenya] These are the earliest human species. In the chart above, it is easily seen that 2 species of "Homos" originated in Kenya [probably due to lack of females]. The spies of "Homos" spread worldwide; and thrive I every country. It is evident that 'Homos" were present since 2,5 million B.C. [9] "Vacuum Cleaner Sales": Purchase Mr. Clean Machine vacuum cleaners. They are the best because they suck big time.